A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font, including crossed out spelling mistakes. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go and the date November 20th, with the year obscured by a coffee ring.
First Column. Headline in all caps: We Lived, Bitch
The traditional cry of survival has once again gone out from the Resort! Our preparations and defences have – mostly – kept us safe against the migration of the griffins (gryphons?)!
Moderate damage from their acidic poop and a few breaches in our defences have been quickly repaired.
Headline in all caps: …But We Remember The Fallen
Our defence was not perfect, however. As well as several smaller injuries, Josh Featherstone, 23, succumbed to his injuries within the hour of the last sighting of griffins in the area. He was buried at the foot of a yearling apple tree, his favourite fruit. Josh is survived by his mother, two sisters, and his partner of five months. He was a farming assistant with the “green thumb” and will be sorely missed by all who knew him. Condolences may be directed to Cabin 2.
Headline in all caps: Water and Weeds
Life goes on, and as the temperature is warming up, our crops are going to need our support. Work on the irrigation system continues, but for now, all plots except 10 through 14 need regular watering. The special wheelbarrows have been stationed at the taps, and you can easily complete a few hours by grabbing one, taking it out to the fields, turning the valve and walking up a row.
If all the barrows are taken, another vital duty is weeding the plots, to make sure our plants get precedence. Remember to leave helpful plants like marigold (except near the beans) and clover, though, and if you pull any dandelion, bring it to the kitchen!
Second Column:
Our cooks can turn it into anything from salad to wine, according to one of the books acquired last summer, and they’re itching to try out some of these recipes!
Rachel, our fruitmaster, also has some jobs she needs a lot of hands for – pruning, thinning, watering, and such. She’ll have a list updated daily in the workshop!
Headline in all caps: Beach (Hunting) Party!
With the weather getting warmer, it’s time to get things ready for cooling down in the ocean and relaxing on the beach – otherwise, what’s the point of having a beach? This year, we’re going to try laying a net, stretching along the pier, then at an angle to the beach, and hopefully reserving just a little ocean for us, without such things as slotters to ruin the fun. Sam and Robin have been working on this net all winter, weaving it from a mix of home-grown hemp fibre, old-world fishing line, and thin wire. We’re hoping it’s good enough to keep the slotters from biting through!
Our new boats will help a lot with laying the net, but once it’s in the water, we might have to deal with any slotters that are stuck in the closed off area. So, this saturday, when we lay the net down, be at the beach with your machete and we’ll break out some spears and shields. With help from the net and the boats, we’ll try to chase and draw them ashore, dispatch them, then have a slotter roast over campfires by the beach! Yum yum!
See you all there!