A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font, including crossed out spelling mistakes. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go and the date August 28th, with the year obscured by a coffee ring.
First Column. Headline in all caps: Waiting For Wanderers
Neither of the expeditions sent out two weeks ago have yet returned or sent word of their progress. This is unsur-prising, given the distances involved, and the nasty weather we’ve been having lately. When you’re tucked up in your cosy cabin under a pile of blankets, spare a thought for our brave bivviers out there on the open road!
The weather is, unfortunately, entirely to be expected at this time of year, so we can’t hope for a reprieve any time soon. We’ll just have to keep going through the wind and freezing rain and hope our friends out there are able to do the same!
Please also remember your flame safety! Anything that burns should be well ventilated, for your own safety! Eli says the gases some of our lamps make can suffocate you to sleep without you ever realising anything is wrong, so be careful! We’ll be boiling a big batch of water every night in the main kitchen, so feel free to bring your water bottles over, if you have them! Gemma has kindly made several spares available, if you don’t – first come, first warmed!
Headline in all caps: Responsible Drinking
Speaking of Eli, he would like us to remind you that our stock of alcohol is a survival supply, and should be treated as such. Yes, we got all our work finished early, and the last few days have been a rare chance for some leisure time, but stumbling drunk is never a good look. Go easy, and leave some for the rest when they get back!
Second Column. Headline in all caps: Near-Spring Clean-Up
The coming of the warm months (we hope!) will mean that once again it’s time to check the old planting and build the new! For now, we’re mostly sorting through seeds and getting some seedlings planted, but once the weather clears, we’re goin to need to be out there!
The first order of business is sweeping the farms for any critter nests. For this, take your spears – we’re just there to drive out breed -ing pairs before they have a litter, bagging them for the pot if possible, and we don’t need anyone trying to be a hero with sidearms!
We’ll group into threes at the gate on the first fine day, and each squad will be given an area to check over. Be THOROUGH. The catipede you miss today might be swarming you to feed your flesh to its brood a month later!
The rest of our duties for the start of Spring, including new plantings and the Great Weeding, will have to wait until at least one of the expeditions has returned but this is something we can to right now, to make Spring easier for everyone out there risking their lives for us. And don’t forget, by doing it now, we’re also getting it done before they have kids! Once there’s a litter involve well, you know how protective a critter can get! Much better to do it now, even if we are short-handed so, good luck out there, everyone!