A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font, including crossed out spelling mistakes. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go and the date July 3rd, with the year obscured by a blotch.
First Column
Headline in all caps: Header?
Our little rag is still getting itself sorted, so keep an eye on the header for the next few issues and be sure to tell us which is your favourite – we’ll have Robbie carve us a stamp with the best design in a couple of months!
The shift to single-spaced lines is an economy issue, so it’s here to stay, though
Headline in all caps: Seasonal Roundup
It’s Winter, obviously, and that means the quietest part of the year. Take the time to rest, recuperate and repair! Robbie the carpenter and Gemma the blacksmith and their apprentices are happy to help get your tools and weapons ready for Spring!
We’re also holding daily classes on various topics, from herbs to tracking to old world technology, in the dining hall every day. Check the chalkboard outside for the weekly schedule before making plans!
Winter is a time of rough weather so there are no expected critter migrations, but we can expect some trade visits over the next couple of months – see our next article, for instance!
And of course, in ten days, on July 13th, we’ll be having our first annual (rest of sentence in all caps) Midwinter Christmas and singles night barn dance! More on that later in the newsletter!
Second Column
Headline in all caps: Market Day
All going well, this Friday will mark the arrival of the sloop Otter Destruction, out of Oneroa! The Waiheke Baronies produce a lot of excellent goods and send regular scavenging parties into the Ruins, so be sure to break out all your best crafts and see what you can get!
We’ll be holding a feast in their honour that evening, so even if you don’t have any trade goods at hand, be sure to come along in something nice!
A reminder, though, that Waiheke has very different politics from us. The ship’s captain is the eldest son of the Duke of Waiheke and will demand respect, as will his first officer. The rest of the crew are commoners, though, and usually we get along fine with them. Just don’t ask any of them if they want to stay here, we don’t want a repeat of ten years ago! Even if we’re no longer reliant on the medicines they bring out of the Ruins, trade links are still very important. If there’s someone you think could be a great help to us, tell a member of the trade committee. It’s possible to get a winemaker (or a good kisser!) from Waiheke but it has to be as a trade.
Other than that, have fun, everyone, and good luck in all your exchanges!
A drawing of a sailing ship on the waves.
Second page
First Column
Headline in all caps: Bit Of A Wind-Up
Thanks to our stellar scouts, Rangi and Alice, we’ve recently come into possession of a collection of electrical generators, and Gemma has spent the last two months making a matching set of blades in her off time. Here’s where you guys come in: they need to go up in the windiest places all around the resort! Winter is a great time to get a sense for wind, so get out there and find us the best spots!
Rangi has offered to spend his off time recording all these locations, and says you’ll find him reading in the upstairs lounge, with a map of the resort. Show him a spot he doesn’t know about yet, and he’ll write it down. The person with the most spots come springtime gets a prize he found out in the wilderness. To prevent guessing, he’s only accepting three spots per person per day, so be discerning too!
Headline in all caps: Pit Perfect
On a similar note, if you want to build up some credit, there are a lot of hours free in the sawing pit! After a careful examination of the situation (read: ten minutes each at the bottom of a saw) the council have decided that time in the pit itself counts for time and a half! The top end of the saw is just regular work, but is still an excellent way to do your weekly hours, and if we’re able to turn all our currently stored timber into lumber by the start of Spring, we’ll be having an old-fashioned barn raising, with attendant picnic and party!
Headline in all caps: Dance Planning
Speaking of barn dances, we’ve got a big one coming up, and we need lots of help getting ready! Barn 3, which is mostly weather-proof space for farrier work and isolating sick animals, is currently being cleared out. This isn’t official work, but every little bit helps so dig in!
Second Column
We’re also looking for musicians for the night itself – we’re hoping to have several bands available so that everyone who wants to dance will have a chance to! If you or someone you know is handy with an instrument, let the social committee know! We’re only looking for a few songs from each performer, so if you’re single, it might even be a good time to draw some attention! In the same vein, if you’re happily shacked up, we could do with a few volunteers for watch duty, so our usual night watchers have a chance to mingle!
A roster for finger food has been drawn up, so if you’re in a baking mood or just want to make sure the asparagus rolls are done to your liking head over to the main kitchen, supplies are on hand and the big freezer has space set aside!
Finally, we still have a couple of spots left on the slate for the Bachelor/ette auction! If you want to make sure you go home with at least one date lined up be sure to let us know and we’ll add you to the list!
An advert, framed above and below by a row of silhouettes of dancers, made by a rolling stamp.
In all caps: Sangita Singh
Cordially invites you all to a special introductory course in the art of
In all caps: Ballroom Dancing
This Saturday evening in Barn 3. All are welcome, no prior experience necessary. If you want to look good on the dancefloor, be there!