A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go? and the date February 24th, Year 2.
Body text, headline in all caps: Mush Missive
To begin, we must offer our apologies for the lack of an issue two weeks ago! Spilled blackberry tea rendered all our copies, so carefully laid out and printed, into nothing but soggy paper mush! The responsible party has been duly chastised, we assure you, and drinks have been banned from the printing office!
Headline in all caps: Route Rout
Our scouts have reported that the road north to Helena Bay has suffered a catastrophic slip in the summer storms, which has rendered our main route north impassable to wheeled traffic, including the carts and wheelbarrows traditionally used for trade between the Resort and our friends in Russell. Our new fleet of sailing ships just keeps looking like a better and better idea!
Speaking of which, the fleet has grown – with travel much easier by sea, our sailors were able to return to the marina and float another yacht last week!
New column, headline in all caps: Fair Go
After a year that we’re sure hasn’t been fun, the Otter Destruction will once again be returning to our shores!
Their main purpose here is to trade quality metals for some of our harvest, since their own farms and orchards have been neglected over the last year while they dealt with an ongoing sanitation issue. But that doesn’t mean we can’t throw a trade fair too!
Be on the docks Sunday morning with your trade goods ready for display, keep in mind all the rules for trading with people from the Duchy, and see what you can get! We’ll be negotiating a more regular trade south, too, so this won’t be your last chance before winter to trade for a flask of Waiheke red or some Old World goods from the Ruins!
Please don’t trade for too much wine – the Council hasn’t set any limits for this trade, but will be monitoring things and may set limits per person for future trades if there are any problems! Remember to drink responsibly!