A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go? and the date 18th November, Year 2.
Body text, headline in all caps: We Lived, Bitch
And this year, there are no caveats to the old cheer!
With courage, fortitude and a lot of metal sheeting, we successfully saw off this season’s griffin migration with no loss of life!
Of course, the inevitable deluge of corrosive ordure will need some clearing up, but even there we had some luck with a handy burst of rain just in time!
Still, get scrubbing, so these defences will still be there to keep us safe next year!
Headline in all caps: Crop Care
Rachel Appelbaum, the fruit-master, would like to join us in celebrating our safe survival of the migration, because it means more hands to help with weeding and watering our growing crops!
This is the season on which our full bellies all year depend, so everyone get out there with the irrigation barrows and weeding gloves! Pet projects can wait for winter!
New column, headline in all caps: Dry Summer
Speaking of pet projects and waiting, we regret to inform you that the Beach Safety Project is on hold until next summer. As nice as a swim in the ocean is, we just couldn’t quite get everything together to put a net in the ocean to keep the slotters out.
Never fear! The plan will go ahead, along with the construction of our new wall, to hopefully make a complete circle around the resort, keeping all of us safe in an expanding zone of human territory!
We’ll be looking into ways to cool down as the days heat up, but for now, a makeshift shower has been rigged up at the end of the aqueduct, so you can cool off and scrub clean after a day in the fields!
We’ve even got a locker so you can leave spare clothes there to change into, and wash your work clothes so they’ll be dry for the next day’s work!