A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go? and the date August 26th. The left column increases in width, causing the dividing line to slant.
Body text, headline in all caps: After-Action Report
Well, we hope everyone had fun out in the orchard over the last few days! We’ve had confirmation that the hole in the fence is now firmly closed, so hopefully that will be the last big invasion this winter!
First off, big congratulations to everyone for that awesomely solid shield wall! All the other good news we have depends on that, and you all protected each other just like we always should!
All three of our seriously injured comrades are stable and expected to make a full recovery, though Willow Hennessy might have a limp once her wound closes – though we all saw that clash and the minimammoth very much came off the worse once she was done with it! On that note, given how well the crossbars worked, and our current high stocks of metal, all spears will be converted with crossbars as soon as we can manage it, so be sure to give yourself time to practise with how the extra weight changes their balance!
Special mention also to our humble, talented and currently fragrant head writer, who was propelled into a briar of blackberries and has ever since been doused in a thick layer of Oma Vanders’ ointment. Thank you to everyone who got scratched pulling me out, and to Cabin 9, who inherited Oma Vanders’ recipe on her passing and kindly provided a large jar!
The final total for both days’ work was 37 minimammoths, 3 scorpidogs, 1 perma-pup (several more were driven off) and a presumably very lost teddy. The home crew have been hard at work scraping skins and preserving meat, and we’ll be having fresh organ meats in our dinners until at least the weekend!
(new column) The numbers involved suggest that things are getting pretty raw out there – when food is plentiful, minimammoths usually form groups of less than ten, so they must have teamed up to take down the fence, then the predators followed them in. Our harvest scraps must smell pretty good from out there!
Headline in all caps: Trade Time
Our expedition north is leaving at the start of next week! Consider this your final reminder to get things sorted if you want to trade with Russell!
The Aqua Lust will be sailing north to Russell and unloading our traders and goods for a dockside fair. While they are haggling, our sailors will head up to the No Kings Islands to make contact with the islanders and see if they’re interested in trading. We’ve heard of them, but don’t have direct experience, so let’s hope they’re friendly! They’re a little too remote to have turned out like the Whangaraiders, but there’s a lot of other ways a community can go a little funny out there!
Things get warmer as you head north, so it’s unlikely they’ll want a lot of furs, but hemp cloth and paper, drugs and small tools seem to always trade well, no matter where you are!
Headline in all caps: We’re Pretty Awesome
Finally, just wanted to say that the last few days, we’ve done some really amazing stuff together. The social committee cheers us on a lot, and we sometimes come across as maybe a little forced, but our little community really does have a lot to be proud of. This week, we got out there together, as a community, and defended our lives and livelihoods against a dangerous and threatening world, shoulder to shoulder, just like we always have, do, and will.