A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go? and the date April 22nd, with the year obscured by a water stain. In the upper centre of the page, the dividing line between the two columns is topped by an ornate cluster of lilies.
First column, headline in all caps: Honouring Our Heroes.
This past Sunday, as many of us as could get time off from our duties attended a memorial service for Erin Wright, Bill Ing and Autumn Delacour. Many of us still bore our own scars from the fight to retain our harvest. But, through bravery and, for some, sacrifice, we have retained most of our crops, and this winter will be another time of rest and recuperation. So remember them well, and as heroes who fell in the fight to keep all of us, as a community, thriving and safe.
Image: a row of three lilies.
Headline in all caps: Fence Fixing
The scorpidogs that entered our outer perimeter were a nasty surprise, and we were all glad to see the last one skewered, but the herd of minimammoths they followed in might have done more damage to our crops if we hadn’t had such an enthusiastic response to the alarm call. We now need teams to go outside the outer perimeter, to ensure that our repairs on the inside aren’t leaving obvious targets on the outside. Volunteers can speak to Alice, who will be leading the group, or Nyala, her second in command.
New Column, headline in all caps: Sticky Sentinels
The blackberry hedge is one of our best defences, as well as a source of delicious summer treats. But with two years in a row now where critters have bypassed it by simply bulling through its thorny vines, the council has decided that it needs an upgrade. To that end, the fence inspectors will also be planting bush lawyer, a distant relative of the blackberry. Unlike the painful thorns we’re used to, bush lawyer has small thorns, too small to hurt much. But they all point in the same direction, letting the plant grab hold of you and letting you move in only one direction – towards the centre of the plant. This is going to be a huge boost to our defences, but it does necessitate a reminder to all working in the outer parts of the farm. Keep your whistle handy at all times, ideally pinned to the shoulder of your clothes or somehow otherwise readily available to your mouth even if your arms are trapped. The whistle signal for unable to move but not in danger is (all caps) long short short pause. Be careful to wait a good time between signals so as not to confuse it with the (all caps) short long long signal for predators – we’ve all heard the story of the boy who cried catipede! We’ll also have a daily inspection along the inner perimeter, for security as well as safety, but keeping your whistle handy might save you from a dry, painful day stuck in the vines. Stay safe out there, everyone!