A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go? and the date March 25th, with the year obscured by a green baby-spit stain.
Body text, headline in all caps: No Fair
Well, the big news is something you might have heard already, but here it is officially: there will NOT be a trade fair when the Ducal traders aboard the Otter Destruction arrive later this week. We will still be trading, but only the agreed-upon bulk trades, our apples and medical supplies for their sheet steel, which we can use to make various useful items, especially machetes.
The reason behind this sudden change is the spread of an illness across Waiheke, a form of dysentery according to the descriptions we pried out of them after some work.
This news comes thanks to our own sailing vessel, the Aqua Lust, which travelled down the coast to meet the Destruction. Apparently the Duchy sailors were surprised to see another yacht at sea! Ours is a little smaller and faster, though, and after conferring with the captain of the Destruction, was able to hurry back and help arrange a low-contact exchange of goods. We’ll be giving them opium, hash, sugar, salt, and as much medical alcohol as we have – Eli has been hard at work distilling more. This is obviously more than a ship’s load of steel is worth, but we’re also accepting a hefty IOU for future trades, and besides, it’s the neighbourly thing to do!
Those of you who remember the early years of our trades with the Duchy might find it ironic that we’re now supplying them with medicine, given (new column) how they held us over a barrel for scavenged medicines just a few years ago, but that’s how the world has changed; as we’ve shifted from relying on Old World things to making our own, trade routes change and even reverse. Not that we’d ever hold them over a barrel for life-saving medicines, of course!
Headline in all caps: Yeah Baby
The last two weeks have seen no less than eleven births, with all mothers and children healthy and thriving! Credit must go to our own Jane, moonlighting as a midwife, and of course Eli, who makes sterile technique possible! Things got a little exciting when new dad Jon was called in to apply his butchering expertise in another arena, but his emergency C-section on Emily Warren turned out great! Resort Surgeon sounds like quite a side-hustle, Jon!
Headline in all caps: Tanks For The Memories
The expedition to refit and bring back an Old World pressure tank was a qualified success. The tank was returned and is currently being integrated to our compressed air energy storage system, but Bill Summers from Cabin 9 suffered a broken leg when it moved unexpectedly. He’ll be laid up for a couple of weeks before it’s well enough for getting about on crutches, so if you can, pop by and offer him some cheering company!
Heal quick, Bill, we’ll need plenty of help for the rest of the harvest!