A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go? and the date February 26th, with the year obscured by an apple juice stain.
Body text, headline in all caps: Rollicking Romance
As much as “a wonderful time was had by all” is becoming a cliche after every community event here at the Report, we must say, it just keeps being true! One of the fruits of an excellent community built on neigh-bourly love! Of course, Valentimes is built on a different kind of love, one just as important to the happy and harmonious unity of our little town, and both were on full display at the Valentimes dinner. Special thanks to the kitchen staff, who prepared an old-world style three course meal, complete with souvenir “menus” to remember the event by! (We helped a little with the printing and design of those – which meant we were in on keeping the secret all week. Let it never be said that those of us on the social committee are nothing but a pack of loose-lipped gossips)!
Headline in all caps: Crappy Consequences
Of course, harmony did not rule all of the evening, and this is a good time to remind you all that if you have a dispute or disagreement and things are getting heated, you can always ask a member of the Council to act as an impartial mediator, to help you talk things out like adults! The alternative, of course, is being stuck on latrine duty with someone you don’t like that much for the next month. Of course, for the rest of us, that’s a stroke of good fortune, since it takes it off the roster. Not blaming anyone, but even a full day fixed rate and an off-turn hot shower for a not-too-arduous job isn’t quite worth dealing with that smell!
New column, headline in all caps: Happy Harvest
Apple season is here! While we have had apples on our table for the last month or two, now is the time for getting the majority of the crop off the trees and into storage so that we can keep having them for the next few months. This is always a fun community event, what with the tree climbing, the catching thrown apples in blankets, the evenings spent sorting and packing, and of course the apple-based delights like fresh-squeezed juice, stewed apples, apple cobbler and sweet (the word cider has been crossed out) treats of all kinds! We need all kinds of help out there, including a stepped-up guard, just in case, so even if you’re not up for harvesting, you can get out and enjoy the bright and sunny days we’ll be using for the harvest. Everyone keep your fingers crossed for plenty of fine days, no one wants to be out in a late-summer storm bringing in the last apples we can salvage! Fortunately, this year’s crop is large, so bringing in even half will fill our apple needs well into winter. Gemma and Robbie have also been working with Jon to build something called a “dehydrator”, an old-world device for drying out fruits, a little like the jerky we eat on long journeys. If it works, we might be able to preserve a good chunk of the harvest for years, and have apple year-round! Even if it doesn’t, the Otter Destruction will be here in late March to trade for whatever we can’t keep or eat ourselves, so let’s all work hard and harvest as much as possible!