A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go and the date October 23rd, with the year obscured by a smudge.
First column, headline in all caps: Sailing Scholastics
For the last two weeks, our keenest sailors have been practising with the skiffs our brave expeditioners brought back. A few spills have resulted, but nothing worse than a ducking in the cold water, and they are now eager to grow their numbers! Debbie has been taking the lead on all things nautical, and hopes to transfer her expertise in sailing and country into shipbuilding, but for now she’s happy to show anyone the ropes! If you’re keen, speak to Debbie any time, at the wharf.
Headline in all caps: Drunk Dry
Eli has asked us to pass on to yall that he will NOT be providing liquor between now and christmas. I think we can all agree with his assessment that the party after the expedition returned was a little too wild, and we might have drunk our entire share of liquor for the next two months. Plus, he’s still been seeing more liquor disappearing than he should have, and he thinks some of us might have a problem with drinking. A few weeks without temptation might be just the thing for us!
Headline in all caps: Weeds and Water
All our seeds and seedlings for the year are now in the ground! The thing do to now is to look after them until they can look after our bellies!
One of the things that needs doing is weeding the plots. There’s a roster for which fields need doing that day in Barn 2, remember to check which plants should be there so you only weed actual weeds!
Second Column
The other thing that needs doing is watering! We’re working on full irrigation, but it still covers less than ten percent of the farmway, so we need to do the rest of the fields the old fashioned way… mostly! Gemma has constructed a watering system that goes on one of Robbie’s wheelbarrows, so you can cart a lot of water without too much effort, and spread it evenly when you get there – just don’t run over the plants! You’ll find them in Barn 1, if they’re not already in use!
Headline in all caps: Gryphon Gripes
Our least favourite time of the year is nearly upon us! Gryphons are among the more menacing and regular migrations of late spring and we’re expecting them in a little over two weeks. Be sure to be ready, check your shutters, and stock up on anything you might need for three days inside your cabin!
We’ll be putting out a special edition for our next Report, full of activities to hopefully help you pass the time! We’ll have crosswords, and puzzles, and… well, listen, it’s obviously not going to last you the whole three days, but it’ll be something, right?
Don’t forget to get spears from the armoury, and have your blades sharpened. Gryphons are nasty, and we don’t want anyone getting hurt this year!