A dirty and stained A4 sheet of paper, printed with purple images and text in a monospaced font. A logo including a sun, with an ocean wave cresting inside it, in a shape vaguely reminiscent of a tongue ringed by sharp teeth. A large headline reading Last Resort News Report with the tagline Where Else Would You Want To Go? and the date November 4th (Griffin Season!), Year 2. The lower two thirds of the second column is taken up by a grid.
Body text, headline in all caps: Wedding Blip
With one successful wedding under our belts as a Resort, it seems like nearly all the couples among us are looking to seal a commitment in the same way over the next few months! So, keep an eye out for wedding invites – these won’t be whole-resort events like the first one, because we can only party so much!
All weddings will have to wait, though, because…
Headline in all caps: It’s Griffin Time!
Yes, the least wonderful time of the year is upon us once more! Get your books from the library, plan some games, get serious with your partner on the topic of having a child in August… whatever you are going to need to occupy the migration days, then grab a spear from the armoury and fit the shutters over your windows, because once again, our skies are about to fill up with screaming, inedible, acid-shitting predators.
This year we got distracted by wedding preparations, so the entertainments offered here will be a little more sparse!

Headline in all caps: Word Puzzle
Clues:

  1. Opposite of day
  2. (Blank) Sesame?
  3. Shut the front (Blank)
  4. We just had a (Blank)
  5. Griffins fly in (Blank)
  6. That’s why we need (Blank)
  7. Because they’re right (Blank)
  8. But we can (Blank) them
  9. With our (Blank)
  10. When this is (Blank)
  11. And our roofs are (Blank)
  12. With their (Blank)
  13. We will throw a (Blank)
  14. Where we put their corpses
  15. What christmas is
  16. So stay (Blank) and…

Answers:

  1. Night
  2. Open
  3. Door
  4. Wedding
  5. Flocks
  6. Shutters
  7. The C-word
  8. Kill
  9. Spears
  10. Over
  11. Covered
  12. The S-word
  13. Party
  14. Ocean
  15. Soon
  16. Safe

A column down the middle of the grid spells out “Good Luck Everyone”